Not for the easily offended, this selection of Dirty Golf Jokes are for adults only and are sure to get a laugh. If you find these a bit rude for your taste, check out our funny golf jokes here which are cleaner and suitable for all ages. For shorter gags, here’s our Golfing one liners. More jokes pages will be added over the coming months if you like this style of humor. Enjoy!
A lady is setting off to have a round of golf after a series of lessons with the club pro. 15 minutes after leaving the clubhouse, she returns looking a little flustered and upset. “What’s wrong” says the golf pro realising she’d only been gone a short time. “I’ve been stung be a bee” she said.
“Where did it sting you” asked the pro. The lady replied “Between the first and second hole”
“Ah”, said the golf pro as he nods. “Your stance is far too wide.”
If a bird sh*ts on your golf cart, don’t ever take her golfing again.
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough?
Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.
A couple have just gotten married. As they are retreating to the bedroom for the first night madness, the husband looks deeply into his wife’s eyes.
“Honey, I’ve got something to tell you. I haven’t been completely honest. I am a golfing addict and every chance I get I’m going to go and have a round.”
“OK” said his wife. “As we are confessing, I haven’t been completely honest with you either. I’m a hooker”.
“That’s OK” said the husband. “You’ve just got to make sure you keep left arm straight and your head down longer.”
What is the difference between golf and sex?
A bad hole won’t get you a slap across the face when you play golf.
Bob and John have just finished an arduous round of Golf.
“Bob” says John, “you didn’t seem the same on the course today. Is everything alright at home”
“Not really” says Bob. “I think my wife Beryl might be dead”.
“What do you mean you ‘think’ she’s dead. Isn’t it obvious whether or not she is still alive”.
“Well” said Bob. “I’m not too sure. The sex is the same as always but the dishes are starting to pile up”.
What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common?
Even though you’re a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again.
Bob and John are having a round of golf. John being keen for a smoke asks Bob for a lighter.
Bob pulls out a large BIC cigarette lighter about 12 inches long. “Wow”, says John. “Where did you get such big lighter?”
“I got it from my Genie” says Bob. Bob then reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a small blue Genie.
John is pretty impressed. He decides to test if he can get any wishes granted. John says to the Genie “Hey Genie, as I’m such a good friend of your master Bob, will you grant me a wish”.
“Sure will” says the Genie. John thinks about it for a moment then says “I wish for 5 million bucks”. Nothing happens for the first half a minute then all of a sudden the sky becomes filled with millions of ducks.
“I said bucks not ducks” said John. “Sorry. I should have told you” Bob says. “My genie is hard of hearing. You didn’t think I asked for a 12 inch BIC did you?”
What is the similarity between golf and sex?
Even though you are really bad at both of them, you know you will still enjoy it.¬
What is the easiest way to tell a golfer is cheating on his wife?
He continually puts his driver in the wrong bag.
John recently changed jobs and starts working a night shift. Taking advantage of the late start, he decides to fit in a round of golf every morning before work.
On the first round on Monday morning, he catches up with a stunning brunette after the first 5 holes also having a round by herself. John and the stunning brunette Clare decide to play against each other for the rest of the course.
Clare is having a pretty good round. In fact at the end of 18 holes, she beats John by 4 shots. “This is the most enjoyable round of golf I have ever played” says Clare. John agreed so they decide to play against each other every morning for the rest of the week.
John being a complete gentlemen offers Clare a lift home to which she accepts. On the drive home, Clare says “You know John, I really appreciate you inviting me to play golf with you. I’d like to show you my appreciation.” “Sure” says John. Clare then reaches between his legs, unzips his fly and performs oral sex on him on the drive home.
Tuesday morning comes along, again they play a round in the morning and again Clare wins by a couple of strokes. On the drive home, Clare again shows John her appreciation through oral sex.
This goes on for the remainder of the week with Clare winning every round of golf. On the drive home on Friday, she says to John “John, I’ve got something I need to tell you. I haven’t been completely honest – I’m a transvestite”.
John slams on the brakes and veers violently off the road screeching to a holt on the side of the road. Angry with Clare’s admission, he turns to Clare “You f*@king cheat. You’ve been hitting off the ladies tee all week”
If you are looking for a funny golf gift for a friend or relative, here’s our top picks in a bunch of different gift categories.
Otherwise, If you’ve enjoyed these dirty golf jokes, check out our clean golf jokes here!