Women and fellow golf lovers (or golf widows), lend me your ears! Prepare to tee off for a laugh riot with these hilarious golf jokes for ladies.
Bad Golfing Weather
Robert is a man of routine – and Sunday mornings were reserved for golfing! No matter the weather – whether it was raining outside, freezing cold or bright and sunny, for the past decade, every Sunday was spent at the golf course.
However, one day in mid-December, Robert left for the golf course but a snowstorm put a damper on his plans. Dejected, he headed back home and decided to change his mood by surprising his wife with some morning fun.
He removed his clothes, peeled the covers off his sleeping wife and spooned her from behind, whispering in her ear, “Weather’s terrible out there.”
“Yes,” his wife responded, “and my stupid husband still chooses to go golfing!”
A Hit Below The Belt
For this year’s annual couples golf championships, Marla and her husband Kevin are so close to winning— only a very short putt stands before Marla before they get to take the trophy home.
She takes a while and spends some time on perfecting her stance. But, she ends up missing, making them lose the match.
On the ride home, a fuming Kevin says, “How did you manage to miss that putt – it was no longer than my d*ck.”
Without missing a beat, Marla responds, “Yes my dear, it was no longer than your d*ck, but was definitely much harder!”
Lost On Course
After attending an out of town sales convention, Arthur decides to head to a nearby golf course to play the 18-hole course. Being new to the golf link, he kept finding himself lost, unsure of where to head next. He saw a woman playing ahead of him and decided to chat with her explaining his predicament.
“Excuse me, miss. Which hole are you playing now?” he asks her.
“I’m at the 6th hole,” she responds.
“Thank you so much. If you’re at the 6th, then I’m at the 5th. I’m a hole behind you.”
He thanks her and continues the game.
However, a few holes down the lane, he finds himself unsure of where he was again.
“Excuse me, miss. Which hole are you playing now?” he asks her.
“I’m at the 15th hole,” she responds.
“Thank you so much. If you’re at the 15th, then I’m at the 14th. I’m a hole behind you.”
Once he is done with his game, he approaches the lady again and buys her a beer in hopes of starting a conversation.
“I’m in town for the sales convention. Are you here for the same reason too?” he questions.
“Yes. I’m here for the convention – I’m a sanitary napkin saleswoman!” she says to which he responds “And I’m a toilet paper salesman. I guess I’m a hole behind you again!”
Golf Tees Please
After a round at the golf course, Sam heads on over to pick up a few groceries. Once he’s picked everything up, he lugs it all to his parked Tesla. With his hands full and struggling to reach for his keys to unlock the car, he requests a woman stepping out of the adjacent car to lend a hand.
As she reaches into his pocket, along with the keys, two of his golf tees fall out too. Being a golf novice, the puzzled woman looks at Sam holding up the tees and asks him, “What are these used for?”
“Oh, they’re used for keeping my balls in the air while I’m driving,” Sam responds.
“Wow, these Tesla people really think of everything, don’t they!” she says.
Ted and his late father were known all over town for being avid golfers. Ted was also rather superstitious, paying the occasional visit to tarot readers and fortune tellers with the latest visit scheduled to check up on how his father was doing in heaven.
“Ted, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?” Madame Lucille asks him after gazing into her crystal ball.
“The good news, please!”
“Your father is happy up in heaven – he says that the golf courses there are spectacular!”
“And what’s the bad news?”
“I see a tee off scheduled for you up there tomorrow at 7 am!”
How Do You Play
Hoping to keep up their weekly 7 am Sunday golfing ritual, three coworkers decided to put out an advertisement to replace a spot in their foursome, after one of their colleagues left. The first candidate eager to join their group was a young woman and though unsure of her golfing skills, they on boarded her.
“I’ll be here by quarter to 7,” she said and made it to the golf club that Sunday.
She was absolutely phenomenal and ended up setting records on the course. The guys invited her back to join their group the next week too.
“I’ll be here by quarter to 7,” she said and made it to the golf club the upcoming Sunday too.
This time, she switched stances and played left-handed instead, matching her course record from the previous week! The boys decided to make her a permanent fixture in their group.
Eager to know how she decides on whether to play right or left handed, they take her out to a few beers and ask her, “So, how do you decide that you will play golf right or left handed that day?”
She sheepishly replies, “Well, before I leave for the golf course, I take a peek at my husband’s junk. If it points to the right, I play right-handed and if it’s to the left, I play left-handed!”
“So, what do you do when it points up, then?” the boys ask.
She replies with a smile, “Well, then I’ll be here at quarter past 9!”
A Casual Walk
The Lamaze classes led by the midwife at St Mary’s Hospital were engaging interactive sessions where the pregnant couples could clear all their doubts.
The week’s class highlighted the importance of exercise and the midwife urged all the women to walk at least 2 miles a day.
“Any questions” asked the midwife
“I’ve got one” says John. “Is it OK for her to do the 2 miles carrying my golf bag as she walks?”
Golf and Marriage
Golf and marriage have a lot of similarities: They both don’t work if you take yourself too seriously- and both get expensive.
Tie Me Up
Yesterday I felt frisky so I told my husband to tie me up and do what he wanted. He tied me up and went golfing.
A Terrible Round
Vivian says that her husband Phil’s golf game is a lot like masturbation. It gives him a lot of pleasure and is great for him to release some steam; but is incredibly disturbing to watch. It was especially disturbing for her to watch last Saturday when he had a terrible round. He only hit two good balls – and that was when he mistakenly stepped on the rake!
Did you hear about the two women golfing aficionados who met on the golf course? It marked the start of a beautiful friend-chip.
The Golfer’s Health Regime
Golfers are extremely healthy – after all, they live on greens (and water) and take iron every day.
Want More Golfing Jokes?
I hope you enjoyed this selection of golf jokes for ladies. If you want more jokes, here are Our Selection Of Clean Golf Jokes, or we’ve also got you covered if you like the Dirty Golf Jokes For Adults as well.